I was talking to a dear friend yesterday on the phone. She is one of the strongest, most compassionate people I know, soaked from head to toe in the truth and love of Jesus. She sees the struggles of others so very clearly and directs them to the heart of the Father and His goodness.
And you know what? She is smack in the middle of her own season of intense emotional and spiritual struggle. Life is hard for her right now, Dear Reader. Very hard and very real. And it seems to be a trend. I can immediately name at least 10 friends who are journeying, or have recently journeyed through a time like this, myself included.
It seems that this section of life, in these 10 years known as our 20's, so much of who we are is forged from the real struggle of growing up and engaging in real, honest relationships with our Jesus and with the people we love. These years of growing into the individual hearts we will be are a bit chaotic, and I think there are a couple of important things to remember. I shared these with my dear friend yesterday, and then, as often happens, I reminded myself of these very same true things later in the evening. :)
1.) You are absolutely not alone. There are times when you will feel alone, but it won't be true. There are ALWAYS people who love you and who have experienced similar feelings. We're all figuring out, in greater measure, who we are and how that identity will express itself in our lives. We are, at times, hot-messes of life-in-progression, but you know what? The mess is an incredibly beautiful piece of the puzzle of identity and strenth and growth. Which brings me to my second thought:
2.) You have permission to feel the way you feel. Did you hear me? Permission granted.
There are times, Dear Reader, where you will feel the heights of joy. Go ahead, feel joyful. Let your joyful feeling draw you into the wonder of who He is and who you are in Him. Reach up to they sky and marvel at its beauty. Be thankful, so thankful that you're a bit annoying. Look deeply and long at all the beauty your eyes can see. Everything is more beautiful to a joyful heart. Revel.
There are times when you will feel quite confused. Go ahead, feel confused. Let your confusion drive you to ask great, honest questions. Questions are not something to be feared or shamed. Questions, confusion, they teach us where are hearts are resting. They move us from one point of understanding to the next. They are not a gross wasteland to be avoided, they are the very beginnings of walking fully in a new level of understanding. Ask.
There are times when you will feel angry. Go ahead, feel angry. Sort out why you feel angry. Ask yourself, "What triggered this angry feeling? What circumstance? What interaction? Why?" It's okay to feel angry. Do you need to break something? Go outside. Smash something against the concrete. Go inside, grab a broom, clean up the pieces. Let it out in healthy ways, but my goodness, let it out!
There are times when you will feel grief, grief that threatens to rip your heart to pieces. Cry, Dear Reader. Feel sorrow. At the pit of that sorrow is a hurt that probably has its root in love. The heights of love are heightened by the depths of grief. We'll feel both, if we're living wholeheartedly. Go ahead, grieve. Give your grieving self some time. Give your greiving self some space. Give yourself permission to be a hurting human in the hands of Jesus.
There are times when you will feel ambivalent, lethargic, and sluggish, not particularly moved or bent by anything in particular. When you feel this way, Dear Reader, ask yourself, "When did I choose to feel numb?" What circumstance made me decide that checking out of my feelings was safer than engaging?" Figure out what patterns keep you involved in your own life and which ones disengage you. Go ahead, feel a bit numb. Use that emotional distance to figure out why.
Dear Reader, I can't really stress enough: Feel what you feel. Feel what you feel with the community of people that love you. Feel what you feel with a community of people you trust. Not only will you build relationship, but you'll sharpen those communication skills. You'll learn to be emotionally intelligent, and you'll learn how to give and receive real love, love that asks questions, prods, and sometimes says, "This is what I need from you right now."
Feel what you feel and live that bold, messy life of yours with your Jesus. You know what? He's not ashamed of your feelings. He's not ashamed of who you are when you're smack in the middle of a season of struggle. Perhaps you've seen Him in the glory, in the beauty. He's probably taught you quite a bit about how much He loves you in experiences that were so delightful your heart was going to burst with joy.
You know what, Dear Reader? There is a deeper joy to know, a deeper kind of acceptance and mutual-knowing to be found. You'll discover it when you live your messy moments intentionally in the plain-sight of Jesus. He won't look away, ashamed and unsure of what to do with your tangle of emotion. He'll love you. Not the pitying kind of love. The engulfing pride-filled love He feels when He sees you becoming, being brave and becoming.
Let your heart come alive, Dear Reader. Let it come alive in the moments and seasons where everything feels quite messy, but you trust yourself to Him and to your people. Go Ahead, Struggle.
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