When You Grow Up

Yesterday, a friend asked me about my wildest childhood dream. 

"What's the craziest thing you wanted to be when you grew up?" she said. Honestly, I really had no answer, and as it happens with most questions that I'm not expecting, I ended up thinking about it long afterwards. 

And so last night, I tried to put myself in my perceptions of life as a little girl. I didn't dream of being a firefighter or an astronaut. I didn't imagine exploring a jungle or saving the day as a doctor or a nurse. In fact, I was probably one of the only little girls out there who didn't grow up planning her wedding! (Truthfully, it's never happened.) 

I know that I lived in expectation and dream. Childhood has a rosy glow of hope and excitement in my memory. That was the atmosphere that colored the season. So as I thought about why I didn't have any big expectations or goals for myself as a little girl, I realized that my overall sense of security and excitement came from love, not from doing. My sense of myself-my hopes, dreams and aspirations, were never tied up in something that I would someday achieve. They were tied up in belonging. 

I knew, deeply, that I was loved, by my parents and by the Lord. This love filled up my little personhood, and I knew that this love was for who I was in the present, not who I would be someday. My parents always told me that I could do anything I dreamed, but they never suggested that those "anythings" would increase my worth. They loved me, and still do, simply because I am theirs. 

And that planted a seed of contentment deep down in my soul, and a trust that the Lord's love, like my parents', would always be for me. The security of the Father's love sends down roots into my soul, deep down into the bedrock of Jenny Claire Tokheim. And roots of that sort will support a tree more steadfast than I can imagine, with branches whose directions I can only dream about right now. Expectation, hope, excitement--all of those still remain.

I'm still not too worried about what I'll be when I grow up either, because I trust that who I'm becoming has always been about whose I am, not what I'll do. The doing is important, don't get me wrong, but I trust that the achievements of my life will always be more profound when they're endeavored for in the strength of His love, not out of my need for accomplishment. 

Let His love be your source today, Dear Reader. Let His love be your strongest motivation and your most steadfast security. 

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." 

-1 John 3:1